i must be strong
must be strong
be strong

tutup telinga kamu rapat-rapat !!!
dan egoislah sedikit !!!

PORTO !!!!



Yah, akhirnya kerjaan super spektakuler yang menunggu di buntut semester hamba-hamba Interior ini muncul lagi. Kali ini saya tidak mau seperti kemarin lagi. Porto ini harus selesai dengan gemilang. Siapkan semuanya !!!! (tolong diingat, kalau saya sedang menulis sesuatu yang -kedengarannya-penuh semangat seperti ini, biasanya saya malah sedang down) Siapkan Duit !!

Kenapa ? mungkin gara-gara terlalu sensitif. Porto selalu membuat saya meragukan kemampuan saya menjadi seorang calon interior designer. Kok kayaknya saya nggak berbakat mikir yang detail-detail yah ? Sometimes i am confused, apakah sudah benar saya memilih Desain Interior ? Oke, definisi SUKA dan BISA itu berbeda.

Kemarin sempat down setelah asistensi. Nggak tahu ya, rasanya tampak super bodoh saja di depan dosen. Maybe it's not a big deal, tapi entah kenapa, asistensi kemarin sangat mempengaruhi mood saya. Dan ujung-ujungnya, tiba-tiba merasa sangat lelah. Ingin istirahat.

Lihat saja masalah finansial yang membelit. Porto one room apartment kemarin menghabiskan 300ribu. Catet, portofolio-nya doang, belum termasuk maket (secara maket saya nggak kelar kemarin). Lalu, berapa banyak yang akan keluar untuk porto sekarang ???? SHIT, pasti BUANYAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKK sekali !!!

Berikut adalah list pos-pos jahanam tempat duit akan mengalir lancar untuk keperluan tsb :

1. ngeprint A2 untuk porto entah berapa lembar itu (minimal 20 lembar lah)
2. beli pensil warna
3. beli prisma color
4. beli drawing pen
5. beli selotip kertas, lem dll
6. ngejilid ring porto
7. bahan maket sebujubuneng banyaknya
8. ngeprint di kertas foto untuk keterangan image
9. nyari material dan ngeprint skema warna & material dengan warna yang bener
10. jatah cemilan dan vitamin untuk vitalitas ekstra demi bergadang
11. biaya tak terduga untuk mengembalikan dan menjaga mood tetap baik

Mari selesaikan portomu itu !!! Yang sabar...yang sabar...orang sabar disayang Tuhan....
(jeritan hati akan porto di suatu siang yang kacau)

People Envy Your Confidence

You have the attitude and self esteem to take on anything. Failure is beyond not an option for you - it doesn't even cross your mind. People envy your ability to take on any challenge ... and they're secretly afraid you think you're better than them. You don't. You're just sure of yourself.

What Do People Envy About You?

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique soul like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

What City Do You Belong In?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? It's important to you that your lover is very attractive. You like to have someone to show off. In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm. Break-ups can be painful for you, but you never show it. You hold your head high.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

Your Birth Month is November

Tolerant and inspirational, you are wise beyond your years. You are universally sympathetic and a great humanitarian. Your soul reflects: Compassion, friendship, and secret love Your gemstone: Citrine Your flower: Chrysanthemum Your colors: Dark blue, red, and yellow

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

You Are a Purple Flower

A purple flower tends to represent success, grace, and elegance. At times, you are faithful like a violet. And other times, you represent luxury, like a wisteria. And more than you wish, you find yourself heartbroken like a lilac.

What Color Flower Are You?

You Are a Hunter Soul

You are driven and ambitious - totally self motiviated to succeed Actively working to acheive what you want, you are skillful in many areas. You are a natural predator with strong instincts ... and more than a little demanding. You are creative, energetic, and an extremely powerful force. An outdoors person, you like animals and relate to them better than people. You tend to have an explosive personality, but also a good sense of humor. People sometimes see you as arrogant or a know it all. You tend to be a bit of a loner, though you hate to be alone. Souls you are most compatible with: Seeker Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is likely to be filled with great successes and accomplishments. You just need to figure out how to get there. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

You Are New York

Cosmopolitan and sophisticated, you enjoy the newest in food, art, and culture. You also appreciate a good amount of grit - and very little shocks you. You're competitive, driven, and very likely to succeed. Famous people from New York: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Tupac Shakur, Woody Allen

What American City Are You?

You Are A Martini

You are the kind of drinker who appreciates a nice hard drink. And for you, only quality alcohol. You don't waste your time on the cheap stuff. Obviously, you're usually found with a martini in your hand. But sometimes you mix it up with a gin and tonic. And you'd never, ever consider one of those flavored martinis. They're hardly a drink!

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

You Are A Walnut Tree

You are strange and full of contrasts... the oddball of your group. You are unrelenting and you have unlimited ambition. Not always liked but always admired, you are more infamous than famous. You are aggressive and spontaneous, and your reactions are often unexpected. A jealous and passionate person, you are difficult in romantic relationships.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

You Should Rule Saturn

Saturn is a mysterious planet that can rarely be seen with the naked eye. You are perfect to rule Saturn because like its rings, you don't always follow the rules of nature. And like Saturn, to really be able to understand you, someone delve beyond your appearance. You are not an easy person to befriend. However, once you enter a friendship, you'll be a friend for life. You think slowly but deeply. You only gain great understanding after a situation has past.

What Planet Should You Rule?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Life Path Number is 3

Your purpose in life is to express your unique self. You are a creative and artistic person with an interesting view on life. Witty and outgoing, you enjoy sharing your crazy ideas with anyone who will listen. A total social butterfly, you're the life of any party. In love, you inspire and enchant your partner. You are often an object of fantasy and desire. While you are very talented, you sometimes lack the ambition to put your talents in play. And while your wit carries you a long way, you occasionally use it to mask your true feelings. Your natural abilities can bring you all the success in the world ... if you let them

What Is Your Life Path Number?

You Are From Pluto

You are a dark, mysterious soul, full of magic and the secrets of the universe. You can get the scoop on anything, but you keep your own secrets locked in your heart. You love change and you use it to your advantage, whether by choice or chance. You don't like to compromise, to the point of being self-destructive with your stubborness. Live life with love, and your deep powers will open the world to you.

What Planet Are You From?

You Are Indigo

Of all the shades of blue, you are the most funky, unique, and independent. Expressing yourself and taking a leap of faith has always been easy for you.

What Color Blue Are You?

Your Birthdate: November 3

You are more than a big ball of energy - you are a big ball of hyper. You are always on the go, but you don't have a type a personality. Instead of channeling your energy into work, you instead go for fun and adventure. Witty and verbal, you can have an interesting conversation with anyone. Your strength: Your larger than life imagination Your weakness: You tend to be pretty scattered Your power color: Lime Your power symbol: Lightening bolt Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

You Are Rouge Red

Of all the reds, you are the most energetic and vibrant. You never need to recharge, and in fact, you often recharge others. Gutsy and brave, you've never let your fears stop you from doing anything. You figure that life is all about experiences, and you'll always take that leap of faith.

What Color Red Are You?

Your Theme Song is Born to Be Wild by Steppenwolf

"I like smoke and lightning Heavy metal thunder Racin' with the wind And the feelin' that I'm under" A total independent spirit, you can't be held down or fenced in. You crave the feeling of wind on your face... and totally freedom.

What's Your Theme Song?

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous People will stop and watch you when you appear Even though you're capable of random violence You are best known for: your power Your dominant state: performing

What Type of Weather Are You?

You Are a Martini

There's no other way to say it: you're a total lush. You hold your liquor well, and you hold a lot of it!

What Mixed Drink Are You?

tumbang gara-gara perang emosi dalam kepala
hujan badai, tumpah ruah luber kemana-mana
yang berefek pada melemahnya keseimbangan tubuh
lalu jatuh sakit dan menjadi manja

saya benci itu

Jatuh Cinta Lagi


Apakah ini sebuah kejutan besar ? Mari memesan tumpeng,hayuukk....Bukan. Ini bukan kabar saya tiba-tiba jatuh cinta pada seseorang, mendapat pacar baru, atau sedang punya pengagum rahasia. Absokutely not. Simpel saja. Saya jatuh cinta lagi dengan musik anime yang menggetarkan jiwa. Lagu-lagunya indah, emosinya mendalam.

Sebut satu nama. YOKO KANNO. Ughhh, i really admire her. Dasar hebat, dia mahir main berbagai jenis alat musik, selera komposernya luarrr biasa, karya-karyanya selalu 'sophisticated', dan.....saya penasaran banget sama suara aslinya. She has variety unique sounds. Saya mendengarkan beberapa lagu yang ia nyanyikan sendiri, dan nyaris di setiap lagu ia punya warna vokal yang berbeda. Dan semuanya top !!!

Wanita ini juga terkait erat dengan seorang penyanyi spesialis soundtrack anime-anime bermutu yang bernama Gabriela Robin. Identitasnya misterius. Ada yang bilang si Gabriela itu ya Yoko Kanno sendiri. Ada yang bilang, beda orang kok. Kalau memang orang yang sama, edan pisan lah. Makin jatuh cinta aja saya mah. Tapi kalau beda orang, saya harap orangnya lebih sophisticated dari apa yang saya bayangkan (well, image Gabriela Robin dalam kepala saya itu seperti Enya, Bjork, pokoknya penyanyi genre new age dan bukan gadis pop seperti Mandy Moore atau Avril !!!)

Bicara soal image, saya sempat menemukan video klip Gabriela Robin-Some Other Time yang masuk dalam OST.Ghost In The Shell. This song's really precious to me ! It gave me courage passing my difficult times, ever and ever, and cooling me down when i was too tired, too obsessed, too angry to cry....Sampai mana tadi ? Oh ya, video klip. Nah, ngelihat vidclip itu membuat saya shock sesaat. Speechless !!!! Mengapa ? sebab kalau memang si cewek yang ada di vidklip itu beneran Gabriela Robin, oohhhh....dia lebih mirip dengan Nona Britney Spears ato Cora di "MUsic and Lyrics" daripada seseorang dengan suara se'menyembuhkan' itu >_______<

Apapun alasannya, bagaimanapun keadaannya, saya cintaaaa banget Yoko Kanno. Kalau kamu suka musik yang ringan tapi gak ecek-ecek, patut dicoba. Tapi kalau suka yang berat-berat, lagu-lagu dia juga banyak. Pssttt...suara dia bukan tipikal suara cewek-cewek imut macam Morning Musume. She really gets that point !!!

Berikut lagu-lagu yang sedang top di playlist mp3 saya :


1. Gabriela Robin - Cycle
2. Gabriela Robin - Some Other Time
3. Yoko Kanno - Adieu
4. Steve Conte - Stray
5. Maaya Sakamoto feat.Steve Conte - The Garden of Everything
6. Yoko Kanno - Dance of Curse
7. Ladytron - Evil
8. Garbage - Why Do you Love Me
9. U2 - New Year's Day
10. OST Cowboy Bebop - Road to The West


silakan dicari. layak diapresiasi.

For h i m



Ini adalah sedikit dari sekian banyak gelombang di pikiran yang tak pernah terucap. Dan (memang) kebanyakan tentang dia. Karena dia. Untuk dia.

Maaf, maaf sekali, selama ini saya terlalu gengsi untuk berkata gamblang. Kamu tahu kan bagaimana saya ?


Saya tahu kamu sayang saya. Sebab kamu selalu mau direpotkan oleh anak nakal yang satu ini. Kamu selalu berusaha menjadi teman yang terbaik buat saya. Dan kamu berhasil. Saya sayang kamu. Saya percaya kamu. Saya butuh kamu.

Saya tahu kamu sayang saya. Hei, sms kamu selalu khas. Dengan panggilan "chibun" itu, juga dengan kata-kata yang saya tahu hanya milik kamu. Entah kenapa, rasanya saya akan bisa membedakan sms-mu dari yang lainnya, walaupun kamu pakai nomor lain sekalipun.

Saya tahu kamu sayang saya. Sebab hanya kamu yang bisa menundukkan saya tanpa kekerasan. Hanya kamu yang punya kesabaran super ekstra untuk menghadapi orang seperti saya (well, setidaknya itu yang tampak di permukaan). Hanya kamu yang bisa membuat saya menurut tanpa harus ngomel-ngomel. Dan, cuma kamu yang bisa memberitahu saya bahwa saya melakukan kesalahan, tanpa perlu ada sesi naik darah - oleh saya - seperti kasus-kasus lainnya.

Saya tahu kamu sayang saya. Cuma kamu orang yang bisa membuat saya semangat tanpa perlu berkata banyak. Saya tidak perlu buaian kata-kata bullshit, cukup dengan mendengar suaramu saja, saya selalu bisa kembali "hidup". Bahkan cukup ada kamu dalam hidup saya, itu sudah jadi alasan penting mengapa saya harus tetap survive untuk seterusnya. Kamu memang seperti udara. Mungkin kadang tak kentara, tapi kamu selalu ada.

Saya tahu kamu sayang saya. Entah kenapa, saya merasa kalau kamu juga butuh saya, seperti saya membutuhkan kamu. Hei, bukankah kalau kita sejalan, kita bisa jadi partner yang luar biasa hebat ? Dimanapun kamu sekarang, tolong ingat yang satu ini....

sometimes people don't realize about the strong bond between them
they deny it, and try to be separated, or to search the better one
but, how hard it would be, they always get back together
like gravitation, pulling each other closer and closer
don't try to run away
just accept and trust it
because it's FATE

Dan saya tahu kamu sayang saya. Hanya mungkin kamu belum sadar juga. Saya masih menunggu. Sebab saya masih percaya pada insting saya. Dan hati nurani mengatakan demikian. Namun sekalipun ternyata perkiraan saya salah, namun saya masih bersyukur. Sebab kamu sudah hadir dalam hidup saya. Sebab kamu sudah memberikan banyak hal bagi diri saya. Dan saya sangat-sangat bersyukur bisa bertemu denganmu, dan mempercayaimu, di antara sekian milyar manusia di planet ini. Kamu adalah harta karun yang berharga dalam hidup saya.

Terima kasih
Terima kasih
Terima kasih

i am automatic love robot
in hysterical reality island
with cloudy sky always day by day
and grey area wherever i stay

my fuel is blue bruiser vodka
so dont give me perrier, it's bitter
i am controlled just by one hand
and that's you

my heart is mechanical
you can set me, just pitch the right button
then, bip. bip. bip. gotcha.
i'm changing
then i will say "you have done..."

i am automatic love robot
have a crush on innocent bastard
i curse you, curse you, curse YOU !!!
but i love you more, more, more

because i am automatic love robot
treat me gently
give more blue bruiser vodka
and make me happy
so you will be my innocent bastard
forever. forever.

sometimes
due to people's perception about your emotional strength
you must pretend to be fine
even if actually you're not fine

kok akhir-akhir ini saya jadi gombal yah ?
sensitif melankolis walaupun tetap saja tidak manis dan sedikit seram
lihat saja kata-kata sampah di bawah itu
sangat gombal dan norak, tapi biar saja ah
kangen digombalin, kangen disayang-sayang
iihhh, dasar manja kamu !
mana niatan "being spectacular lady escort no.1" itu ?(jgn ngeres ! gw gak jual diri !)
katanya harus seperti jablay melambay
tegar, cantik, profesional, pintar, dan mempesona
lalu klien makin berdatangan
dan kurva peluang semakin melengkung lebar
gombalin saya dongg....
cih !!!

s u n t u k



Merupakan kelanjutan dari postingan jenuh racau-meracau yang lalu. Kali ini benar-benar akut. Kenapa coba ? Yak, mungkin anda bakal membatin geleng-geleng kepala kalau melihat betapa bandelnya gadis lajang satu ini. Ini anak tugasnya menumpuk sangat banyak dan keadaan finansial pun pas-pasan, tapi masih sempat-sempatnya rajin ke warnet untuk meracau dalam blog dan posting sana-sini yang nggak penting.

Seperti saat ini. Kalau sekarang misalnya saya adalah seorang anak sekolah di era 70-an yang masih tinggal dengan orangtua, mungkin sudah sejak lama saya tidak diaku sebagai anak dan dicoret dari daftar warisan. Mengapa ? Sebab saya itu super susah diatur, seenaknya sendiri, cuek bebek, nyolot pula. Bagaimana orangtua tidak uring-uringan ? Ditambah dengan kemalasan mendadak yang datang di saat tugas menggunung. Bukannya ngerjain malah ke warnet. Paling ntar pulang langsung....tidur. (jika anda mengharapkan yang lebih spektakuler seperti...eng ing eng, mengerjakan tugas dengan rajin dan selesai esok hari, maaf yah...SALAH BESAR).


Lalu anak malas yang menggendut ini akan semakin kacau dan meracau. Ngantuk lah, ingin tidur lah, lapar lah, pengen nonton, jalan-jalan, baca komik, nonton drama Korea sepuasnya, dsb, dst, etc....Woi, perlu ditendang sedikitkah kepalamu supaya bisa "lurus" sedikit ?


Jawabannya....ENTAH YA (bayangkan gua ucapkan dengan raut muka datar).


BUKKK !!!! (dan gua siap-siap kabur dilempar sekarung maket oleh Pak Pribadi dosen konsbang tercinta. Saya suka kuliahnya, tapi sangat2 payah masalah konstruksi)


Mana obsesi impulsif akan detail yang masih hangat membara sampai sore tadi ???
Mana niatan yang besok datang kuliah secara spektakuler dengan setumpuk detail dan perspektif manual ????
Mana niatan mau jadi mahasiswi manis yang rajin ????
Mana niatan kamu, hah ??? Manaaaa ????


Arghh !!! super suntuk !!! Tampaknya harus tidur nih....
Hoh, lalu....BAGAIMANA TUGAS ?
TUGASNYA BAGAIMANA ?



serahkan jawabnya pada rumput yang bergoyang
hanya sayangnya, dia diam saja

my honey little bastard
where are you ?
you're such a jerk
leaving your bloody sweetie brat alone here
wanting you, obsessing you

my honey little bastard
our spaceship is ready
and the flight to Centauri is coming soon
hurry. hurry
that machine isn't long lasted life enough

bastard meet bloody
we get bold perfectly
brat gets along with honey
isn't it sweetie ?

i can't wait to hold you tightly
to kiss you deeply
our tickets have been bought
the tickets to hell

hurry. hurry my honey little bastard
find me quickly
and kiss me deeply